watching the stars tonight. waiting.: January 2008

hello angie baby (: today's phone conversation with you left me bubbling with joy. hahaha.

damnit. why could i memorise like 30 chapters of bio word for word 2 yrs ago. and now be unable to even remember two pages of my script. i worry for the state of my brains 0_o and my sieve-like memory.

very soon angela's going to be able to regurgitate my script back to me cos of the million no of times i make her read against me. my poor baby ):

athens athens athens :D:D:D:D:D:D

yesterday was a horrible day. cranky, moody, pissed off, tired & upset.

last night however was absolutely wonderful (((: hahaha. stars rocked my world. after listening to their songs on my ipod for years. from the day i first discovered them in a green little ipod on the green mat in my drama classroom. to listening to them live. it was :DDDDD hahaha. its moments like these that make me so happy to be alive and in london. than jap food after that which was so goood (:

they didn't sing calendar girl though ): which made me abit )): cos its my fav song. for what it all means to me. but maybe its a sign. a sign to stop letting you hurt me. a sign to stop letting you use me as backup. haha. i'm currently floating happily along in my own river. i'm good (:

How could you do it

I couldn't say

Years built on sand

June until may

Second to second

Lied even while you held my hand

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose

I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose

I'll write you a postcard

I'll send you the news

From a house down the road from real love..

Oceans won't freeze

So loosen your heart

Underestimated

Undefeated in this love

We will always be a light

If I am lost for a day; try to find me

But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me

All of the things that I thought were so easy

Just got harder and harder each day

December is darkest and June is the light

But this empty bedroom won't make anything right

While out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home

Who waits up for me all through the night

Calendar girl who's in love with the world

Stay alive

Calendar Girl who's in love with the world

Stay alive

I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do

And when I awoke I was sure it was true

I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky

And said whoever is up there,please don't let me die

But I can't live forever,I can't always be

One day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea

The pages keep turning,

I'll mark off each day with a cross

And I'll laugh about all that we've lost

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world

Stay Alive

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world

Stay Alive

January, February, March, April, May I'm alive

June, July, August, September,October I'm alive

November, December, you all through the winter

I'm alive

now i remember why sundays used to be so damn lovely (((: hahaha. char, yipeng, justin & i. all the happy happy times. how i miss the talks with yipeng & char. hahaha. the two of them vs justin & i. what complete opposites we were. and yet how alike we were too. the past few days emailing char has been ((((((:

drama drama drama.

i miss the dedication. ah wells.

i want to throw myself entirely into something again.

this is odd. everyone's not in tonight. can't get hold of anyone. hmms.

really tired.

i think i'll just float off to sleep now.

e past 24 hours have been pretty sweet (:

alot of things i didn't think would happen that i need to sort out.

detachment's the key.

i'm rambling bullshit cos i'm typing this half asleep and with my eyes closed

is it wrong to want to have a happy ending for once

something without all the heartache

i need simplicity

and straightforwardness

hell yeah

omgomgomgomgomg i got the roleeee :D

busy days are coming! yayy.

[edit] faith. i don't believe in alot of things many ppl believe in. and yet i believe in things that not many ppl believe in. haha.

there's nothing an episode of grey's can't cure.

i miss mel. her unwavering support and faith in me. gives me the guts to do anything. i love this sister of mine so dearly. its a horrible feeling to be so far away from her, and only be able to see her in 6 months time.

there's this horrible cold sucking feeling inside of me. i don't like it. but i can't quite get rid of it. [/edit]

your amazing lack of tact just floors me.

fuck. i just have this cold sinking feeling inside me.

i just want to hide away now

its almost 3 weeks. nothing from you. not a sound. i read you like a book, but you either don't understand me at all, or perhaps you pretend not to see anything. oh whatever. i think i'm past all that now. i don't feel anger. just a detached ______.

i realise we're all pretty much past the age of doing stupid 'teenager' acts. hahaha. like rebelling, sneaking out, sneaking into clubs, hiding boyfriends and all that. which actually makes me sad ): cos it means we're all getting f-ing old. plus it makes life alot less interesting. roars.

god i'm going to kill that idiot for taking so bloody damn long. if you've spending time around me e past few days, you'll know who i'm talking about -.- grumbles.

ok pictures from e past few days..

penang prawn mee from hare & tortoise. OMG SO GOOD I TELL YOU

lynnnn (: at hughes parry.

playing mahjong on the pathetically small table :D but i won like 30+ bucks. woohoo. singapore dollars that is :p

tag feeling short :p hahaha. must double e chair somemore.

joy, alison, joyce & i at bicester :D

bicester village (; omg. i bought like this gorgeous temperley top, ferragamo flats, karen millen dress, lipsy skinnies, r&r jeans, ralph lauren pants & ck underwear. woots.

at the millennium dome. o2 arena to watch e spice girls :D

nicole, me, jen & angela (((:

jen darling (:

angela's my babbby (:

spice girls! :DDDD

i must say the stage was gorgeous..

the massive audience

spice girls finale ):

me and my baby on e way home (:

went for the spice girls concert today (((: finally fulfilled my childhood dream. hahaha.

i remember how when i was 9, valerie and i used to go on and on about spice girls. dressing up like posh and baby respectively. singing screaming around our houses. hahaha. talking about girl power, and how we'd be friends forever. the songs, memories and autograph books are still here. but i don't even know where she is now. hell out of my pri 4 gang, only charis and peishan i still keep in contact. the irony of it all.

listening to mama. got me all bawling -.- i just rmb the mother's day when i was 9/10. i got up wayy early and went to my mummy's room to play her this song. god i miss my mummy so much suddenly. rang her up when i got back. it was so nice to hear her voice and my daddy's voice. i feel really bad towards her. in the past, every weekend, we'll spend time together. esp sundays. we'd go out. lunch, movie or shopping. and when i went back in dec, she was so happy to go shopping with me again. she said, 'with you not around, i could not go shopping on weekends. everything just looked horrid'. and her birthday just passed last week. every year we'd have a nice family dinner together ):

having angela with me. through everything. makes everything extra special (: i love my baby. haha.

more pictures tmr. gtg sleep -.-

omg. bicester shopping was awesome.

omg. i spent so much money.

omg. i'm so tired.

thank god for hongmin who understands me and backs me up (:

good night. i'm off to crash. more tmr. after spice girls.

i'm terribly needing a friend now. a friend who won't bitch about me/stab me in the back/get pissed off at me. i need my interdependment, my mei, my standbyme, my screw, my b div tramp team 06, my heibaipei, my old friend. anyone will do.

i want to float along a river. in a little boat. and just breathe.

every time i walk alone in the crisp cold. i just feel overwhelmed with the feeling of how wonderful it is to be alive, and here. haha.

i wish everyone could be like screw. we fight and argue, but no matter what we love each other to bits. haha. but then again, if everyone was like screw. what we have wouldn't be special anymore, and there'd be nothing to pull me back to spore.

i feel ashamed when i tell the dancers i haven't been dancing. how i want to dance. there's something wrong with not dancing. i can't explain it. its like i'm all twitchy. its an addiction. a craving to move. and its like i have way too much free time. this isn't how its supposed to be. haha.

for the first time in a long time, i have so much more time to breathe and rest. the amount i sleep nowadays, can rival choo yi ming. hahaha.

i really need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

i'm totally loving the goddess book yipeng got me for xmas :p its the first present from him. EVER. hahaha. and normally i don't read these type of books, but i must say its fabulous. haha. it has all the best kept secrets of london shops and everything. plus the most adorable pages, illustration and ingenious tips. hahaha. doesn't hurt that the book looks gorgeous. so thank you friend (:

i really wonder where am i heading with all this.

i need to stop thinking, and do some sleeping.

i'm feeling exceptionally chirpy these few days. its ridiculous. soon i'm going to start seeing rainbows and fluffy little white clouds everywhere, and puppies prancing in the blooming fields. smirks. hahaha. but i'm super excited and happy about the new few weeks (: plus the prospect of reading week is getting me all bouncy. haha.

no expectations make for wonderful times.

other than for the fact that the stupid girl is annoying me with the world's most annoying voice, braying like a bloody donkey. if she'll shut up so i can go to sleep, it'd be perfect :p

but then again i never did believe in perfect times.

others can't quite seem to understand my obsession with smell and touch. its amazing how a simple smell or touch can elicit such complex feelings. or memories that you thought were long lost to you.

everytime i smell it, i think of you. but for once, i don't look around, hoping you're there anymore. what we had is locked and kept in a place that will always belong to you and me

i'm astounded at how far and fast gossip travels among the singaporeans. really. its amazing i tell you. haha.

i'm happily looking forward to many many events in the coming weeks (: let's see:

19th jan - bicester with the sporean girls

20th jan - spice girls with the holborn girls

26th jan - poker tournament

29th jan - stars concert

2nd feb - mahjong tournament

5th feb - varekei with shib

7th feb - cny :D

its looking to be a good few weeks. haha, i keep trying to look for empty free weekends to go for a short trip. either to amsterdam or ireland. and i realise i can't find any 0_o omg. i've managed to pack like all my weekends. its madness.

: always :: patsy cline :

i never thought i'd say this, but i miss my daddy. i think distance is good for us. we don't fight much anymore, plus he's learning to treat me like an adult (: though i still get spoiled. ahaha. i like.

the prospect of doing a production again is getting me all tingly, excited and extremely happy (: well i'd prefer to be dancing. but drama is wonderful too. haha. just gets me thinking of all the wonderful times in huay kuan. the sunday afternoons we used to spend in those classrooms, wasting away, dancing, rehearsing, playing, talking bullshit. haha. oh those were wonderful friends. and gave me 3 of my dearest friends ((:

i just want to be involved in a production/performance of decent quality again -.- be it acting or backstage. lemme stress decent quality :p i think i've been super disciplined by rj dance and huay kuan. haha. if i don't have to rehearse like siao, it feels wrong. so wrong.

i'm a masochist (; sue me.

lardeedum. i should attempt my contract essay now.

much love to my sporean lovelies. and to my lse darlings (: who were oh so sweet in showing their support & concern. whee.

: the blower's daughter :: damien rice :

on monday. my phone got stolen right in front of me. and when i got back home, my room was flooded -.- so yes. it was a horrible day. wasn't in a great mood to talk about it. took me 3 days to clear up e mess, and for e room to dry. and all cos my idiot neighbour didn't turn off her fucking tap. ARGH.

hello cheerup (: thank you

happy birthday rachel dear (: my old old friend. ahahaha. pun intended.

watched p.s. i love you tonight with angela (: us two girls sat through the entire thing bawling from start to end. made me think about alot of things. i like these movies ((: its a feelgoodmovie. and don't we all need one once in awhile. i'm definitely not a rainbows clouds and puppies type of person. but yes i like to feel good (: haha, even though e process requires me bawling my eyes out. plus these movies gives me hope. hope that there is happiness out there for everyone.

like how i used to acutely feel the lack of you by my side. i used to wait for the day where you'd remember i was there. maybe you did, maybe you didn't. i'm not quite sure what to think sometimes. i wonder if u feel this loss as acutely as me.

sometimes you keep looking faraway, searching for another someone, you never really look beside you and see the most important one by your side.

but its fine now. cos i've finally walked away. its not easy. the missing still pops up, in e weirdest times. but yes. i'm learning to not think so much about what was, what is and what could have been.

and then it makes me even more aware of the ppl i've been missing. mel and pj. the two ppl i need so much in my life. that i didn't get a chance to see this winter cos one's in michigan and the other's in taiwan. what a contrast this year will be. from seeing and talking to my dear girl everyday. to have to see her face only on facebook or skype. bah.

i'm living in the now. i'm fully appreciating and loving all those with me now, and those who i can go back to in spore. i'm thankful for all these people (: they make life wonderful. and i can look at things with a detachment now. i like it.

i can't deal with the past anymore.

i miss drama. as in hk. esp char and yipeng. the shit we used to do together. hahaha. i rmb our cinderella play. i was cinderella, yipeng was the prince. nearly made me puke blood when i found out he was going to take zhiyuan's place. ahahaha. how far we've all come. and how things never turn out the way we expect.

: i still believe :: a1 :

today is officially the worst day in my life.

and i'm not being melodramatic/exaggerating.

i am doing this to avoid starting work -.- this is BAD. i got essay due on thurs ): meh. and another next tues ))): that involves the whole book on contract law. ROARS. but i shall start. cos i am paying an insane amount for this education. so i better return educated in an appropriate manner -.- anyway.

Take the first sentence of the first entry of each month, and repost them here. That is your year in review:

January
i have eaten at least 30 panadols in the past 4 days.
February
tired and fragile
March
roars.
April
i'm painting my fingernails & toenails fire-engine red (:
May
matin tagged smthing rather 0_o on my facebook
June
i'm in my dancey dancey mood now (:
July
michael buble can croon to me anyday, anytime
August
i'm seriously a masochist -.-
September
deleted -.-
October
tap tap away..
November
tap tap away.. December
oh god, my blood pressure went wayy down suddenly

haha. alot of hidden meanings in all that. i love looking through e pictures of last year (: so many ups, so many downs.

for 2008, i just hope that everyone remains healthy, esp since the 2 year anniv of it all is coming up. i hope nothing pops up. sighs. and i really need to take better care of myself. haha. i eat damn healthily for a london student damnit, yet why am i always the one sick?! maybe its a xin bing. smirks.

i hope 2008 brings many more ups, less complications, more travels and peace of heart (:
ooh on a side note. SPICE GIRLS :DDDD i'm going to watch spice girls! whahahaha. 20th jan. jen & nicole got tickets for angela & i. whoopee. ok pictures